I am at the crossroad but the decision should be simple. I have already bought the ticket to my final destination. Yet I am still left with the choice to hop on or leave the frieght train and begin a solitary life afresh.

Circularities

I cannot spend my life, using the same words, recombining them to squeeze out meanings limited by the words themselves. No matter how a fish strives to get out of the water, I too can simply never get to the point because words themselves is a medium unsurpassable. Slushes of ink bringing forth shapes, shapes bringing forth letters, letters combined bringing forth words, words combined bringing forth ideas. Ideas combined could never quite bring forth what my mind seeks to untangle.

Maybe understanding the world through words and ideas is the wrong approach to enlightenment.


"what we cannot speak about, we must pass over in silence"
- Wittgenstein

2 years

It has been 2 years. What I have learnt through this journey is still as unclear as it was 2 years ago. Experiences experienced, things did, done, learnt. Still, the centrality of nothingness runs deep.

These 2 years, I climbed to the top of the hill that I had set my eyes on (upon His Grace), I looked across the horizon knowing there are higher hills to climb, other worlds to know, knowing full well that I will ascend them one by one if this life permits, though, also knowing full well that I should be better off not moving when the answer had always been so evident around me.

"You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good an evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die"